Living half a world away is not an easy thing. You miss all the things from home; junk food, conveniences, the sights and smells, flowers and plants, wildlife. But most of all you miss your family and friends. This is especially true during holidays. Last weekend was Labor Day weekend in the US - I imagine there must have been family reunions all over the country.
But more difficult than missing out on holidays is not being there when your family and friends really need you. Like when they are sick, needing a shoulder to cry on and the very worst on the list... death.
Yesterday I got an overseas call from the niece of one of my friends who lives here in Libya. It was bad news. My friend's best friend in the US had passed away. She'd been sick for a while and it had been arranged that the family would let me know first so I could break the news to her in person. It was hard, but I was happy to do it because I know how hard it is to get news like that. It's not something you want to hear over the phone or read in an email. You need someone to be there.
One of the weird things I discovered after living here for a while was how insensitive most Libyans are. If someone from my friends or family in the US dies, few of my in-laws or neighbours here even gives it a second thought - it's just another day in the neighbourhood. For example, when my father died not one person from my mother-in-law's family even called me to express their condolences. I had a few neighbours stop in and some from my father-in-law's side of the family, but mostly my visitors were my friends here - others like me, living here with their Libyan husbands. If I didn't have my friends I would have found myself very alone.
In a way it worked out quite well for me because now I never have to visit any of my mother-in-law's family. If I happen to run into any of them and they ask me why I didn't attend so and so's wedding, or some other family event, I just have to tell them 'They didn't come to me when my father died.' Simple as that - they shut right up.
I've come to depend on my immediate family; my husband, children and my mother-in-law. But mostly I just rely on my friends to get me through things. We're all in the same boat, after all.