Quality Time

Mom hates pizza, but she agreed to go have pizza the other day. She decided that she hated pizza after my son Adam came to the US in 2008 to live with her. She said he ate a lot of pizza... pizza till she felt it was coming out of her ears. Now she seldom eats pizza, but on this particular day she said 'Let's get pizza' so we did!

Sometimes we eat out on the back porch. This particular day mom decided she didn't want to eat on a plate, instead she put everything in one bowl. Mom likes to eat on paper plates, but we had run out. Real dishes seem to annoy her for some reason. She drinks her coffee in paper cups too. When we were growing up we never used paper plates, but she insisted on us using paper cups when we were kids. She said they were more sanitary. Dixie cups... I always hated them!

One day we decided to have sandwiches at the park. After we ate we had a walk, I pushed mom in her wheel chair. She wasn't sure where we were and that seemed to bother her a bit. Sometimes when I wear my scarf my mother thinks I am a Libyan woman that cares for her.  When I take off my scarf at home I am her daughter Teri again... but sometimes she thinks I'm my sister. 

I thought a trip to an antique mall would interest her. We found a section that was set up just like her mother's kitchen with all the old kitchen tools, gadgets, plates and cabinetry. Mom thought it was funny, but nothing else seemed to interest her. I liked a huge replica of a sail boat. Mom thought it was too expensive. I reminded her the point of the trip was to look and not buy. Mom hates window shopping. I think she went along just to make me happy. We bought nothing. It made me happy though.

There are some lovely, well kept tennis courts nearby. The kids decided that they wanted to learn how to play, so I managed to find some rackets and balls and we headed out to the courts. Mom came along to watch the kids' attempt at learning how to hit the balls to each other. I took this picture of her on the bench. 'That's an old woman' she said when I showed it to her. She didn't realize it was her until I told her.

Since Mom's surgery last December her dementia has gotten worse. Today the doctor prescribed some medicine that will hopefully slow it down. It won't make her better, but it should help by giving us more quality time together. 

Something Extraordinary Happened: It really is a small world after all

Before I went back to Libya last September, I noticed an advert in the local newspaper about a Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) training course. It looked interesting for more than a reason or two. Above all, I liked the idea of learning how to be prepared in case of an emergency. I wanted to do something for my community, to help others and meet people. Also, I thought that this would be a way to learn about civic programs that might one day be useful should Libya ever become peaceful again and needed to rebuild – maybe I could help in some way, or maybe I’m grasping at straws, but it didn’t really matter because that wasn’t my sole reason for becoming involved. I emailed to see if there was any space left on the course. Unfortunately, the course was full, so I asked to be put on a list for the next course. Then I became busy with travel preparations and my trip back to Libya so I shelved the idea for a while.

After I returned to Florida I was notified that the next CERT training course would be starting. I attended the three days of training held at my town’s fire rescue department. Although the course was short, I learned an impressive amount. We also had the chance to meet team members from earlier courses, many of which were city council members. On the second day of training a lively and spirited woman came in and introduced herself. She turned out to be the mayor of my town; Mayor Leslie Waters, of the city of Seminole, Florida.

It turned out that Mayor Waters has been a member of the Community Emergency Response Team for our town since it was initiated and is an active member of the team. She found a few minutes to chat with each of us. When she stopped to talk to me we found out that we had something quite extraordinary in common – Libya! It turned out that the mayor has been working on a project to train Libya’s first-ever women elected to city government. Due to the instability in Libya the workshops took place in Tunisia. Mayor Waters was in the process of planning her second trip out to work with the Libyan women. She gave me her card and asked me to get in touch with her so we could discuss the project. I was rather amazed that the mayor of my small town (population 17,830) would have a Libyan connection - and I think she was equally amazed to find me sitting in that training room at our local fire house!

We emailed back and forth and ended up getting together over coffee after she returned from her second trip to Tunis. I arrived at the busy coffee/bagel shop a few minutes ahead of schedule and the mayor came in shortly after. It seemed as if she knew everyone in the shop as she gave a lively and enthusiastic greeting to many of the people there. As soon as she sat down she presented me with a souvenir from her trip to Tunisia and some information about the latest activities she had been working on for the city. Then she filled me in about her trip.

Her assignment which was sponsored by the Woman’s Democracy Network (WDN), an initiative of the International Republican Institute (IRI) located in Washington D.C. and set up in Tunis by USAID-Libya. The purpose, was to help “empower women to lead” their City Councils by educating participants on how to be effective local government officials. These training forums focused on how to improve communications with constituents, to leverage social media, to network with other women throughout Libya, to set goals, and put an emphasis on the importance of developing an expertise with government issues. 

Photo credit: USAID.gov

Over 40 Libyan women took part in the first sessions held in September 2016. This initial conference was part of an effort to build and develop a national-level network of women leaders and to launch a Women’s Municipal Council Association.

“Working with some of the first women to ever be elected to anything in Libya was truly a humbling and exuberant experience, an experience where it was my intention to use my government experience to help impact their evolving democracy for the benefit of all Libyans.” ~ Mayor Leslie Waters

In Libya, the requirements state that one seat on the governing body of each city is held by a woman, but Mayor Waters pointed out that they could also run for other council seats. The mayor explained that these trips aren’t about politics, but simply to teach the elected Libyan women the basics of running a democracy. Such things as how to communicate with residents, how to set up town hall meetings and press conferences, and how to budget and plan for the future. 

The second meetings were held in February 2017. This was a 'Train the Trainer' session with group comprised of 15 Libyan women leaders from different parts of the country. The women were given the training and information to pass on to other women after they returned to their cities in Libya. The next 'Train the Trainer' session will be in mid-May with the same fifteen women who will return for follow up. Meanwhile, Mayor Waters has been doing some online mentoring with some of the women. The ladies are in the capable hands of Mayor Waters. 

We had a great time sharing stories and ideas about Libya. We spent two hours, but I think we could have talked all day. I’m looking forward to hearing about the next trip – and I’m so proud of both Mayor Waters and those wonderful Libyan women. 

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I asked Mayor Waters if she had heard about a famous female mayor of Libya’s past, Huda Ben Amer and when she said no I told her the tale of Huda the 'Executioner'. Thank goodness that is all in the past!

‘We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding.’ ~ David Richo

Recovery

Mom's had more surgery since I last posted. All went well this time, and she is home recovering. We're mostly staying home and mom gets a bit stir crazy from sitting in the house all the time. Occasionally we go out, but we're pretty much limited to places that have motorized scooters because mom can only walk for a few minutes and then has to sit down. We have a wheelchair, but mom doesn't like to use it. She says it's low and she has to crane her neck upwards to see things. Apart from the scooter issue there is the problem that mom has difficulty hearing so that limits what we can do too. 

We try to keep mom as comfortable as possible. To make life a bit easier we got her an electric lift-recliner. She's been having trouble getting in and out of her chair so we hoped this would help. The only problem is that she hasn't been able to learn how to use the remote control for the chair. It has two buttons... up... and down. Push the up button and the chair puts you in a standing position, push the down button and you can sit down and recline with your feet up. Two buttons... simple right? Wrong! It's been nearly a month and she still hasn't been able to figure it out.  Regardless of how many times we show her, within a few minutes she will have forgotten. Dementia is so cruel!

I found a large print word search (mom has vision problems) that I thought would keep her busy. She complained 'These puzzles are not like they used to be. I can't find the words!' I watched her try. She would read the word and then begin to look for the word in the puzzle. By the time she gets to the end of the first line in the grid she has forgotten the word. It makes her frustrated and she puts the book down. She tried quite a few times because she had forgotten that she had tried before - each time with the same result. 

Mom likes to talk on the phone, but making calls is a challenge. Today, my daughter sat down to help her dial the numbers. Mom called quite a few people. She called one of my sisters and asked how she was. 'I'm sick with a cold' my sister said. Mom replied 'Oh I'll let you go then. I don't want to catch it'. She called my other sister twice, having completely forgotten that she had called the first time. One call was to a family friend. When their voice mail picked up mom said 'Hey! It's your grandmother' We were entertained by mom's phone calls for a good part of the afternoon. Then it was time for mom to take a nap. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll take her to Home Depot to look at the flowers and plants in the nursery section. They have got good motorized scooters there. Then when we come home I will pull out some old photo albums and we can reminisce about the past. That will keep us busy for a while. 

LIBYA: 17th February Anniversary Six Years On

The following article was written in collaboration with my friend and colleague, Susan Sandover who is the author of the book ‘Libya a Love Lived a Life Betrayed 9/36’ 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Daily we (an American mother with a Libyan husband and a British Libyan widow) read, hear and see the ongoing tragedy and horror of the war in Syria and yet Libya barely warrants a mention in the British and American press. It seems as if the Libyans are the forgotten. Photos and video footage are seen periodically of migrants being saved in the Mediterranean but we have yet to read an article on the potential tinderbox situation in Libya.

The 17th February marks the anniversary of the commencement of the fight to overthrow Gaddafi but will this date warrant a mention in the international media? Most likely NO. The war finished quickly in just 8 months. Today what remains is the daily episode of the Libyan Game of Thrones represented by an assortment of grey-haired men in their expensive suits with allegiance to either diaspora, area, tribe or a religious faction all vying for power. But what of the ordinary citizens of Libya? With 45% of the population aged under 30, the majority without hope of work, they are the dangerous forgotten. Consequently,  crime is on the rise and coffers from the old family loan system have long since dried up. The infrastructure that was failing under Gaddafi is now at crumbling point or virtual collapse. The morale of the people is so low that they too are beginning to join the thousands of migrants endeavouring to reach Italy and Europe by crossing the Mediterranean in the hope of a better future. 

Aside from tribal infighting, the cancer ISIS, whose roots had lain hidden during the Gaddafi era now has found its chance to emerge and spread its tentacles. Libya’s porous borders allowed pockets of IS to establish themselves in three branches in Libya; Tripolitania in the west (primarily in Sabratha), Cyrenaica in the east, and the Fezzan in the south of the country. Sirte has only recently been cleared of IS by forces backed by the GNA (Government of National Accord) and supported by the United States which targeted ISIS with over 500 airstrikes between August 2016 and January 2017. Although IS combatants were removed from Sirte, many Jihadi warriors managed to escape, disappearing into the desert. Will they once again go into hiding, waiting for the chemo therapy to end and then resurface? Libya’s marginalised youth and migrant Africans entering the country are all potential recruits and this needs to be recognised before the Libyan dormant bomb erupts, as it will, if help is not given to the country. 

Despite the abundance of problems facing Libya, some hope remains. Organizations, focused primarily on women and youth are emerging. On offer are empowerment workshops, training for the health sector, networking for entrepreneurs, as well as opening centres to provide services for psychological, social, legal and health problems. Reconciliation will only happen with concerted efforts from within Libya, as well as with help from abroad.

By ignoring the ongoing situation and hoping that it will go away will only result in another Iraq and Syria disaster of horror, instability and further turbulence within the MENA region. Peace and reconciliation should be led by the Libyans hand in hand with the West so that Libya can be reunified and the IS cancer can be eradicated from the country. The alternative is unthinkable. The new President of the United States seems to believe that by building walls and banning Libyans from entering the United States that this will solve the problem and prevent the spread of IS  and terrorist attacks. We only wish this were true, in fact it may be encouraging those Muslims who were born or who are now living in the United States to feel marginalised and draw them to embrace radical ideals.

Will the Libyan youth be celebrating the 17th February anniversary? What are their aspirations today? They must be given hope or they will become the lost generation and potentially join radical groups who offer them salvation. The alternative is unthinkable while the reality is an unstable quiet which is shattered by periodic gunfire, bombs and tanks as Libya once again has returned to a questionable, unpredictable future.

By: Susan M. Sandover & Therese Martin

A busy start to the year

So far 2017 has been a whirlwind. In my last post, which was about a month ago, I mentioned that my mother was scheduled to have surgery. She checked into the hospital as planned for what we thought would be morning surgery and home by the afternoon. 

Unfortunately there were complications. She had a reaction to some of the medicine that was used and went into anaphylactic shock. Her blood pressure dropped to almost nothing and then when they gave her other medicines to help with that her BP went sky high - her blood pressure was up and down, up and down. She also started to develop pneumonia. She was in ICU for two days while they stabilized her blood pressure, but to complicate things the steroids she was given caused her to go into steroid psychosis. 

Psychosis.... another word for crazy. She didn't sleep for 3 days straight. The whole time hallucinating that she was in Paris, in California, at a spa, there were water taxi's floating past the window and hundreds of dogs on the ceiling. Once she said there were hundreds of babies and quipped 'I don't even like children!' Her feet moved as though she were walking, walking, walking...she walked all over town, telling me she was turning left here and right there and asking 'Why is there a cow on the corner? The poor thing is soaking wet from the rain!' She folded her sheet for hours, folding, unfolding and folding again and again. I kept trying to bring her back to reality, reminding her that she was in the hospital. She didn't know who I was. At one point she thought I was a Jewish woman from California. She kept asking for people who had passed away; her sister, a neighbor, my brother. A few times she became very, very angry and violent, but mostly she was just agitated and wanted to be someplace or go someplace.   

Throughout all of this she refused to use a bedpan and became incontinent. The nurse told me quite often there is no turning back once the elderly get this way. I insisted they put a potty next to the bed and got my mother to sit on it a little every day. I never thought I would be potty training my mother! Eventually the effects of the medicines started to wear off, but it was six days before she finally realized where she was and was able to recognize us. 

My mother is home now and is continuing to recover. We have a home health nurse and physical therapist coming to the house. She's back to a regular bathroom routine - thankfully! However, as soon as she gets well enough she will be back in the hospital for more surgery. This time the doctor has assured us that they will not be using the medicine she had a reaction to and they'll be taking all the necessary precautions to keep her well. 

When I asked my mother if she remembers anything from her hospital stay, she said no, nothing. We have videos of some of it and she was amazed when we showed them to her. I'm thankful that I was able to be here for my mother and praying that her next hospital stay will be uneventful. 

There are no water taxi's floating by the window!

Ending up 2016

The end of the year is fast approaching. When I look back it seems like it was a long year, but it passed so quickly. Since we got back to Florida it seems I have been running non-stop. 

First, there was Ibrahim to get settled in school. He's been changed to a different school, this time one that hopefully has a program suitable for him that will address his autism and ESOL issues. After a bit of a runaround, he finally started, but only a week before the Christmas break, so we won't know how things really go until he goes back after the holidays. 

Mom had a whole slew of doctor appointments, check-ups and tests scheduled for when I returned. Some of which had positive results, but unfortunately, there was the disappointing news from the cardiologist that an artery in her left leg has a blockage that needs to be cleared, so next week she is scheduled for surgery. I'm glad that I'm here to help my mother through this. It's a bit overwhelming and right in the middle of the holidays, but 'It is what it is" as my mother says - she's been through this quite a few times already and knows the routine.

Mom's cat died last week. Stump had been in my mother's life since he was born and lived over 20 years. He spent the first 20 years of his life hiding under my mother's bed, only coming out for my mom. The past year I managed to befriend him - bribing him with treats and kindness. He spent the last year of his life somewhat sociable! I think he might have had some dementia - maybe he forgot to be afraid. In the end he was just skin and bones. He will be missed, but we really aren't sad that he is gone. He lived a long life.  

Even though we've been pretty busy the last few weeks, we've taken some time to relax and enjoy the lovely Florida weather. December is almost always warm here. The other day we took some time to visit my father's grave. The cemetery is so peaceful, lots of huge moss covered oak trees line the lanes alongside the graves. My father died the day after Christmas 20 years ago, and this makes getting through the holidays difficult for my mother. 

Bay Pines Memorial Cemetery, St. Petersburg, Florida

We took some time to sit along the water and feed the birds at the park. 

The Point at Bay Pines Memorial Park

We head for the beach as often as we can to watch the sun set. I noticed that they added a few more benches at the beach we usually frequent. We are so blessed! 

Indian Shores, Florida

 I'm not so sure about New Year's resolutions.... it's difficult to plan that far into the future... one day at a time. 

Best wishes for a Merry Christmas to all of my friends, family and readers who celebrate. 

The Challenges of Traveling to/from Libya

When it was time to start planning our trip back to Florida there was so much planning to do. There were so many decisions and choices to make. The trip going to Libya had been difficult and there had been the unpleasant experience with the airline losing my bags. Even though the luggage wasfinally recovered (one bag after 18 days!) it was still a big hassle. I decided to fly a different airline - this time going via Tunis and Frankfurt on Lufthansa. It worked out being the cheapest flight too.

But how to get to Tunis? Which airline should we use to fly out of Tripoli? I had flown Libyan Airlines and Afriqiyah in the past, but had only heard of Libyan Wings. There are a few other airlines but these three seem to be most popular - but which was the most reliable? I wanted to be on time and I most definitely did not want to have lost luggage again. I decided to throw out some  polls on social media to see what people thought. The results were quite surprising. 

Facebook Group Poll

The poll on Facebook showed that the overwhelming majority found Libyan Wings the most reliable and there were some interesting comments that I will share here (without names).

"Libyan Wings by far!! I have now flown on all three, and ONLY Libyan Wings actually leaves on time, and you queue properly at check in and to board the plane, there is no pushing and shoving, their food is WAY better than any of the others - and the attitude of the staff is professional at all times!! The first time in a long time that I have actually felt I am on an actual airline able to compete at international level - will never fly Libyan Airlines or Afriqiyah again!!!"

"None. Libyans have no sense of timing they just go with their flow. Let their planes take off when they feel like it. true they r up against the odds. And make do with what they have. Which is an excellent quality. But even before the war and during gadaffi times their track record was lousy"

"I tried all of them. Wings is hardly ever late and are quick to sort any problems"

 "Afriqiyah flight times are better for me. Wings is prompt but at ridicolous hours for me"

"Currently Libyan Wings . Experience wise i will go with Libyan Airlines , but for time and punctuality Libyan wings have the priority."

 "Well , for starters ! Libyan Arab Airlines (LAA), is Late As Always !"

"My last 3 experiences with them (Libyan Arab Airlines) I was delayed between 9 to 13 hours Afriquiya werent far behind"

"Have flown with them (Libyan Arab Airlines) a few times and never an issue. I guess it just depends, kind of like every other airline."

Twitter Poll

The poll on Twitter had similar results with Libyan Wings coming in first and Libyan Airlines and Afriqiyah both similarly low. The difference here was in the comments, with some being rather political.

"you need safety fly Libyan airlines ,have good maintenance ,don't compromise safety with commercial interests next Afriqiyah"

"well, remeber??wings owner is a former ALQAEDA member, &thy uses yr money to bombs&kill innocent ppl in #benghazi :)"

 "Libyan wings it's company was made to wash belhaj money it's illegal company"

 "So far, acqs. say Libya Wings is the most reliable/decent service/good planes. Pity abt the owner."

With the results of the survey in mind, I decided to give Libyan Wings a try. Of the three airlines, only Libyan Wings allows you to book your tickets online. The only problem is that you cannot pay online, you have to go to one of their offices to do that. Still, this was helpful and booking the tickets took only a few minutes. I only booked one way flights because honestly, who knows what will happen in Libya. You really cannot plan very far in advance. I'll worry about the return tickets when the time comes.

We arrived at the airport three hours before the flight. Mitiga Airport is a very small airport. Built in 1923 by the Italians, it has been mostly used as a military base over the years - by the Italians, Germans, British, Americans and Libyans. It now serves as Tripoli's international airport since 2013 when Tripoli International Airport was destroyed during clashes. There isn't much to do there while you wait but there is a small counter where you can purchase coffee and snacks. Internet is available for a fee. We waited until they called our flight. While waiting friends and family were calling to see if we were OK and to say that Tripoli was 'maglooba' - upside-down. Fighting had broken out between militias and no one really knew what was happening. 

We were called to go through security and were funneled into another waiting area. We waited and waited.... and while we waited, we could hear the sound of explosions in the distance. The airport and airline staff were running back and forth, checking on things outside, all the while they maintained a very professional attitude. Finally, over an hour after our flight was supposed to have departed we were all told to move back inside. We thought that maybe the flight was being cancelled, but they assured us that they only wanted us to go through security one more time. So back in we went. They checked everyone's passports, tickets, and x-rayed our bags while we walked through the metal detector. A short while later we boarded the bus to take us out to the plane, got on board and left Libya a short time later. 

We were late, but the staff were pleasant. Normally, when I travel through the airport in Tripoli there is pushing and shoving and even occasionally a fist fight! There was none of that this time - maybe everyone was too worried about the fighting going on outside the airport to do any fighting of their own inside. 

The flight was nice. The plane was new and comfortable. The staff were professional at all times and it was obvious they were well trained. Even though the flight was less than an hour long we were given a meal; bread, cheese, chicken, salad, cake and juice. I would definitely recommend Libyan Wings.

We arrived in Tunis and our luggage arrived with us. We had a long wait until our flight to Germany. I sent the kids to buy Internet time which that turned out to be a rip-off. First, the machine swallowed our money without giving us a card so the kids had to find someone to give us our money back (which they didn't want to do initially), then when we finally had the card, the connection kept dropping and was mostly useless. We ended up getting free Internet at the airport cafe's wifi while we ate dinner. 

Lufthansa checked our bags through to our final destination... I looked at the bags as they went away on the conveyor belt and said a small prayer that we would see them again. The flight was fine. We were full from our meal at the airport, but had another meal on the fight. We had a five hour wait in Germany. The airport was comfortable, there was free Internet and shops to look around, but the bathrooms could have been better. There were long lines to use the bathrooms and they weren't very clean. I finally gave up and found a wheelchair accessible bathroom and that was much better. If we were there longer I think I would have spent some money to go use the VIP lounge, but it wasn't really necessary.

Our flight to Florida boarded and took off on time. Lufthansa kept feeding us! Snacks, a meal, more snacks, another meal. Germans must love to eat. There was Internet on board (for a fee) and a place where you could charge your phone. Lots of movies, music and games and of course the flight map. It was a ten and a half hour flight. We were really happy to see the end. Lufthansa was much better than our past experiences with British Airways. I think in the future we will use Lufthansa.

How much longer? We are almost there! I can even see Seminole! 

Going through customs was a breeze. All of our luggage arrived and out we went to wait for my daughter Sara to pick us up. We had left on Thursday evening and arrived on Friday afternoon. It was a long trip, but we made it.  

The sun was setting as we drove through rush hour traffic from the airport.

Here we are....... Home Sweet Home!

Home! - now to get through jetlag.