It's been a while

I haven't posted in ages. I could list a lot of reasons (excuses), but that really isn't getting me anywhere. Actually, not much has changed or is going on. I've been busy with work, family and trying to get a grip on some health issues. Here are some things I've been thinking about lately:

I've been considering adding a page to my blog with an ongoing list of books/publications/movies about Libya that I have come across. Add some reviews and let others add their thoughts in the comments. So far it's just a thought...

One of the blogs on my Link List has been recently revived after being dormant for a some time. What was once called Caterpillar Cafe has been renamed Dear Sister. It's listed in my Link List under the category Married to Libyans. You can find the blog here: Dear Sister

Ramadan will begin in two weeks. Are you ready? I've been stocking up on food and trying to organize my life so that I can focus more on family and the spiritual aspect of the holy month. Last year I had to travel for work during Ramadan, I'm still not sure what my schedule will be this year, but I am cutting back on some of my work - I don't think I will pass up any chances to travel though since I enjoy it so much! We'll see what the month brings. 

https://tuffix.deviantart.com/art/Are-you-ready-II-383935254

Revisiting an Old Libyan Friend

In 2002, I wrote a tribute to my dear Libyan neighbour and friend, Najiyah. The Tripoli Post, which was the sole English newspaper in Tripoli at the time, published my story and I later put it on my original website. I decided to dust it off and post it on my blog. Enjoy!

My Missing Link 
By: Therese Martin 'Khadija'

I came to Libya in 1989 and for the first year lived with my husband's family. We had an apartment of our own, but it was in very bad condition and needed to be completely renovated. Finally in 1990 all the repair work was completed, and my husband dropped me off at the flat to clean things up so we could finally move in. 

It was a happy day for me. I was glad that soon we would be living in our own place. I hadn't been to the flat while the workmen had been there and things were quite a mess. Paint spills needed to be cleaned up and spatters of plaster were everywhere, not to mention the accumulated dust! I decided to open up the windows and balconies to let in some fresh air and sunshine while I worked. 

While opening the back balcony, I noticed a woman watching me from her window. I smiled and said "Assalamualaikum". I wasn't sure how my new neighbor would receive me. I'm American, and though I'd been in Libya for a year, I never had to deal with anyone besides my husband's family before this time. She smiled back and replied, "Walaikumasalam. Kay fahalik?" I expressed that I was fine and inquired how she was. "Qwise", she replied. She informed me her name was Najiyah and asked me mine. I told her my name was Khadija. She nodded and smiled and I went back to work. 

It was a busy day for me. Every time I would pass by the window or balcony, I'd see Najiyah. One by one, each of her six children came peeking out at me. All of them wanted to introduce themselves. 

Over the years Najiyah and I became very good friends. Her balcony faced mine and we visited while hanging the daily laundry. The two of us shared our favorite recipes, and she explained many things about Libyan culture. But most of all, Najiyah kept me informed about what was going on in our community. She told me who was getting married, and who had had a baby. If one of the neighbors were sick, Najiyah would share the news. She was my link with the neighborhood. 

While watching Najiyah's children grow up over the years, I added to my own family. Najiyah often had advice on how to raise my little ones. She was alert to what my children were doing, and quick to notify me if they were doing what they shouldn't. I always felt my home was safe with Najiyah nearby. She worried over my children and me as though we were her own. Najiyah became a special friend. 

One day Najiyah told me she had a small growth in her mouth. She wasn't quite sure what it was and planned to see a specialist about it. Over the next few weeks she was back and forth to the doctor. She was so busy getting medical care that I didn't see much of her on the balcony. Deciding to look-in on her at home one day, I found her in a very depressed state. She said the doctor thought it was an infection, but she believed that it was more serious than that, because her husband had decided to take her to Tunis for another opinion. 

When she returned from Tunis, it was with sad news. The doctors had diagnosed her with oral cancer. Everyone was very upset. I spent hours researching the subject on the Internet and urged her to have the tumor removed as soon as possible. Her husband quickly took her to England for specialized treatment. 

While she was away, the balcony became a lonely place. Najiyah's children were busy with their studies; thus her windows and balconies were usually closed. I would occasionally go to her house to ask her daughters for any news. The news was not favorable. As a result, Najiyah and her husband had decided to leave England and go to Tunis for treatment so they could be closer to Libya and their family. Everyone was worried. 

It just so happened that I'd be traveling to Tunis. I told Najiyah's oldest daughter that I planned to visit her mother while there, and needed the address of where she was staying so I could find her. I swore her to secrecy, as I wanted it to be a surprise. 

The capitol of Tunisia is a ten-hour drive from Libya. My husband and I planned to stay only for a few days. We stopped at the train station to pick up a map of the area. I had the address with me from Najiyah's daughter. Tunis was a big, crowded city, and the streets were confusing because the names changed every few blocks. Finally, I found the street on the map...now the challenge was to get there in the car! 

We drove around for over an hour, finally finding the street but unable to locate the number. I was determined not to leave Tunis without seeing my long-time friend. We inquired at different houses on the block. "Do you have a Libyan couple staying here? The wife is seeking medical treatment,"we'd ask. 

At last we found a woman who informed us that Najiyah and her husband were staying in a small apartment behind her house. She showed us where to park our car and how to get to the flat. The landlady knocked on their door and called out, "You have visitors!" Najiyah's husband came out. He looked astonished to see us. My husband was busy speaking with him while I sneaked inside. 

Najiyah was sitting on a cushion on the floor. She looked up, amazed to see me there. I ran to her and we hugged each other. Both of us were crying. How good to see Najiyah after so long, but also how sad to see her looking so ill! Quickly regaining our composer, we sat close and both started talking at once. 

It was a pleasing feeling to be able to visit with my neighbor once again. We talked about how her children were handling things while she was away, and I shared with her what little news of our community that I knew. After all, Najiyah was my link with the neighborhood, and she wasn't there. Najiyah told me how her treatment was progressing. The doctors wanted her to have chemotherapy and radiation treatments to shrink the tumor before they tried to surgically remove it. 

She wasn't sure how much longer it would be until she returned home. The tumor seemed to be getting larger, not smaller. Only too soon our visit was over, as my husband said it was time to go. We clung to each other. She didn't want me to leave. 

When we got back to Libya, I looked in on Najiyah's daughters to tell them about my visit with their mother. I told them that their mother would be home soon, and that she was in good spirits. A few weeks later, my neighbors returned. They had decided to complete Najiyah's treatment in Libya. 

Over the next few weeks Najiyah's health became worse. The tumor was growing and the treatment was making her very ill. She was put in the hospital, as she was too sick to stay at home. The balcony was empty now. It seemed an unfriendly place to be. Every few days I would see one of her children and inquire about their mother's health. At first they were optimistic, but as time progressed, they would just shake their heads and look very sad. 

During this time, I only went once to visit Najiyah in the hospital. Every day I'd tell myself to go, but something kept me from going. I felt like an intruder. It was time for Najiyah to spend time with her children and siblings. I didn't want to get in their way. Also, I couldn't bear to see my friend suffering. Denying that she was so sick, I kept telling myself she would get well again, that soon we'd go back to our usual chats over the laundry. 

Early one morning, about 6 o'clock, I was awoken by the sounds of a tent being put up. The tent-poles made an unmistakable hollow metalic clang as they were assembled. I put the pillow over my head to block out the noise, telling myself I was dreaming, or possibly someone was putting up a tent for a wedding. I squeezed the pillow tight over my ears, but by then I could hear women crying. I knew that my friend had died. 

I went to the cupboard; pulled out a stack of bed sheets and hung them on the balcony clothesline, to hide the view. I closed each window and door tightly, to try to create a barrier from the commotion outside. My husband said, "You have to go there", but I replied, "I can't." 

All morning I listened to the sounds of Najiyah's funeral, unable to bring myself to except that it was finally happening. I wanted to believe it was all a very bad dream. My husband came home for lunch and asked me why I'd still not gone to the funeral. "I'll go when the noise stops... when things have settled". 

My husband shook his head, "In Libya you have to go to a funeral as soon as you hear about it,"he replied. "I'll go when I'm ready," I told him. "Do what you want." he said with a sigh. Knowing I had to go but dreading it, I waited until after they took my friend to the cemetery. By then, the women were not crying as much. 

Najiyah embraced me as a friend, even though we were so unlike one another. I was American and she was Libyan. There were never any hard feelings because I was an American. Our cultures were so vastly different, yet we both accepted each other as equals, sharing the bonds of womanhood and Islam. 

It's been over a year since Najiyah died. I see her girls from time to time while I hang the laundry, and we chat. But it's not the same. My balcony used to be a special place, but it's lost its magic. I never know what's happening in my neighborhood anymore, for my link to the neighborhood is missing. 

"God bless you and have mercy on you, my dear friend Najiyah. May you be rewarded for all your kindness and for the friendship you gave to me."

_______________________________________________________________

Published in The Tripoli Post - Monday, November 4-7, 2002 

I'm going along with the plan

Yesterday Jenna and I went to get our haircut. We hadn't had cuts since before Hurricane Irma - we had been too busy with my mom's illness, going to the hospital and all that followed after she passed. Getting our haircut was wonderful therapy - we left feeling relaxed and good about ourselves.  

On the way home we made an unplanned stop at a consignment store that we go to from time to time. I don't know why I felt the need to stop there. When we went into the store I went directly to where they display the household things and spotted a beach/bath towel. I picked it up and saw that it was brand new. I didn't need one, but for some reason I felt compelled to buy it. I said to Jenna, "Let's go", but she wanted to look around. I wandered around the shop, but all I wanted was the towel. It was the weirdest feeling - I had to get that towel.

When we got home I threw the towel in the laundry hamper. I'd wash it later I told myself. I went to work and while I was there Jenna phoned. She was upset. My sister (who we've been having issues with) was at the house and Ibrahim said that he had seen her take a towel. At first Jenna thought that it was the towel I had just bought, but it turned out to be the old one I had been using. My sister said it was hers. Maybe it was, I don't know - I'd been using it for 2 years. "It doesn't matter Jenna. Let her have it. I have the one I bought today in the laundry hamper. Nothing she does matters". 

God looks out for people in mysterious ways.

My Mother

My mother passed away a week ago after nearly a month in the hospital and a week in a nursing home. She passed on the day of her wedding anniversary - my parents would have been married 58 years. I was blessed to be able to spend the last two years caring for my mother - so many wonderful memories to cherish. 

A memorial service will be held for my mother, Helen Godette Martin, on November 20th, 2017 at 11am at Blessed Sacrament Church in Seminole, Florida. Following the church service, a ceremony will be held at Bay Pines Memorial Cemetery where she will be interred with my father, George William Martin.

I Survived Irma!

It's been a busy week! First there was preparing for the storm, which included stocking up on water and food and making sure the hurricane kit had everything in it. As the storm approached Florida I made the decision to take my mother to a special needs shelter as she is on oxygen and has medical equipment that needs electricity - plus the shelters are built to withstand category 5 storms.

In the end, my sister insisted that mom go to her house. At first I argued with her about it, but then after discussing it with my son we decided to let my sister take care of my mom during the storm. Actually, we were kind of surprised she offered, especially since we could count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times she's shown up in the past year. So off mom went on an adventure with my sister. 

I continued to sort out the hurricane supplies, while Adam and Jenna cleared the yard of all the yard furniture, planters, barbecue grills, garbage cans - anything that would blow around and cause damage. They even cleaned out the garage so Adam could fit his boat inside. Adam turned the canoe in the back yard over and filled it with water that  later might need to be used to flush toilets.  

I was also busy with my city's Community Emergency Response Team (CERT). We organised the evacuation of the people with special needs. First we had to call them all to see if they still needed to be picked up (some had other plans and some had died or moved away since signing up for the service). As the storm got closer it was time to pick them up and bring them to the shelter. Without the help of the  county school buses and drivers the evacuation would never have been possible. 

It was an interesting experience. We evacuated people from all walks of life, mostly elderly in wheelchairs and walkers who live alone and have no one to look after them. Each bus had a driver and driver assistant, one firefighter and two CERT team members. Our bus picked up two busloads of special needs passengers and their belongings - some of them we had to help pack.

One poor lady had four bags full of adult diapers. A little old man held his chihuahua on his lap and cried. A 98-year-old woman showed me a locket with her late husband's picture - all her kids have died before her, she has no one left. One woman brought a big cake with her to share with all the new friends she would make at the shelter. They all joked and said we should get matching Irma tattoos. One lady said she was finally happy to have something interesting to write in her diary. Overall it was a positive experience. I hoped they had homes to go back to once the storm was over.

Irma gradually arrived. I must have had hundreds of people sending messages and asking if I was OK on Facebook. It was hard to explain that the sky was still blue and the sun was shining. The storm was downgraded to Category 3, then 2 and was moving about 9 miles an hour. By Sunday evening the winds started to pick up. Around midnight the power went out and by one o'clock Saturday morning the storm was hitting it's hardest. Soon after I lost mobile service. It was dark outside and impossible to know what was really going on - lots of wind and things banging around outside. I lay in bed listening to the power of the storm and finally drifted off to sleep.

The next morning the electricity and phone service were still off, but the winds had died down. I was scheduled to do a twelve hour shift at my city's Emergency Operations Center. I dressed by the light of a flashlight. It was still dark as I opened the front door to see what things looked like outside. I could see the neighbor in his front yard with a flashlight. The old oak tree in his front yard had blown down. I called out to Adam to go see if anyone was hurt.  Luckily, the tree had fallen toward the street and the house was spared. The road was partially blocked on both sides of my street. Adam jumped in his truck to have a quick check of the neighborhood and returned to report that there only seemed to be trees down and no major damage. I headed off to the EOC.

The roads were littered with debris and some houses showed signs of damage. None of the traffic signals were working. There was hot coffee at the EOC! The building had a generator and was built to withstand Cat 5 storms. At some point during the storm someone had gone out to remove the satellite antenna as it was blowing so hard they thought they would lose it. Then a huge tree fell over and pulled up the internet and phone lines that were buried next to it. The only mobile provider that was working was Verizon, so those that had that were creating a hot spot and tethering to it in order to run the EOC's computers. For a while I manned the Citizen Information Center (CIC), but the phone line was down and as most people didn't have phone service they couldn't have connected anyway. Finally, the decision was made to close the Center and move it elsewhere. It was disappointing, but so much valuable information was learned from the experience and would be extremely useful later on.

On my way home I drove around town. Most of the damage seemed to come from old trees, mostly oak. There didn't seem to be anyplace that had power. The beach roads were closed to traffic so I headed home. 

On Tuesday, I was called in to start bringing home the special needs evacuees. First we had to drive around to see if their houses were safe and if there was power. No one would be allowed to return until their homes had electricity. Most of the areas were still without power, but we were able to bring a few of the evacuees home. They said that their experience at the shelter had been mostly positive. They had been put up in classrooms that were furnished with cots and given three good meals each day. Medical staff were available and anyone that had any problems was taken immediately to the hospital. There were plenty of people there to offer them assistance getting to the bathroom and in and out of bed. They were just tired and wanted to be home. It was rewarding to be able to help them.

Power came back on at our house on Tuesday evening. My mother came home Wednesday, just in time for me to take her to her doctor's appointment. We're still putting things away - there is a stockpile of water bottles in the corner of the dining area, all of the things we removed from the closet under the stairs needs to be put back. Thank God we didn't have to use the safe room (closet) under the stairs! All the disarray makes my mother confused. She keeps asking what happened to her house. It will take a few days more to get back in to a routine. It's expected that by Sunday all of the electricity will be back on in our area..... and school starts back up on Monday. 

It's been an adventure. I've lived through a hurricane and survived to tell the tale. ... but I am not getting Irma tattooed on anything!

Eid Wishes

Wishing a safe and peaceful Eid to all who celebrate. 

May Allah accept your fast and shower you with blessings. 

End of May till the first half of Ramadan

I've been pretty busy the last few weeks. I'll try to fill in all the blanks with some of the pictures I took along the way. First I'll start by sharing my quick trip to the lovely Caribbean island of Guadeloupe. I was there last June and found myself back there again for a short work related trip.

It took a while to get to Guadeloupe as there are no direct flights from where I live, so I spent a few hours in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico might become the 51st state soon, at the moment it's a US territory. My cell phone worked there and they use dollars. My hamburger and French fries in the airport cost $25!

Last year I stayed in an all inclusive resort... this time I stayed in a studio apartment. If I have to go back again for another short stay I will go back to the resort simply because it had a restaurant and I didn't have to go anywhere to hunt down a place to eat. But there were some bonuses to my accommodation. My little apartment had a view of a small cove with a lighthouse and I didn't have to deal with a tourists on their holiday. The weather was a bit hazy, the landlord said it was the result of desert sands that blow across the Atlantic from north Africa. 

Guadeloupe is a French overseas territory, people there speak French, the currency is the Euro and it's part of the European Union. I went to the supermarket and found pretty much the same things I would find in a Tunisian supermarket. I bought the makings for a Tunisian breakfast... bread, cheese, tuna, olives and some juice. They even had harissa, but I decided to get some spicy creole mustard instead. I had a nice relaxing breakfast on my little balcony overlooking the cove and watched the boats. 

After my work was finished I spent the rest of the day with friends. We visited an interesting museum, Memorial ACTe. I was quite impressed. The museum is a memorial to slavery and the history of the slave trade in the Caribbean. There's a lot to learn, you could easily spend a few hours there. 

One of my friends had some things to do that would take her to different parts of the island so she asked me if I would like to come along for the ride. Yes! I taught her a new phrase 'riding shotgun' and I explained it's origin. What a beautiful place! There is an active volcano on the island, but it hasn't erupted in forty-one years. Sugar and bananas are the main exports, the vegetation is lush, mangos hang heavily on the trees and passion fruit vines drip over everything. Butterflies, humming birds flit from flower to flower.

Towards evening we headed to my friend's weekend home on the side of a hill overlooking the sea.  The view was breathtaking. 

We headed to her kitchen where she taught me how to make a popular Caribbean dish called Chicken Colombo and tender smoked Marlin drenched in olive oil, peppers, shallots and lime juice.

Chicken Colombo

Smoked Marlin

 My visit to Guadeloupe was much too short. It is definitely worth visiting as a tourist. I was told to watch for deals on flights from Norwegian Airlines which offers direct flights from New York for as little as $79 - and accommodation in Guadeloupe is reasonable too. The only thing I found expensive were the taxis, but you can rent a car for about $24 a day. Yes, I'm adding this to my list of places to revisit.

Ramadan started a few days after my return to Florida and two days after that it was Memorial Day. I took my mother and kids to visit my father's grave. He's buried in Bay Pines National Cemetery. Every Memorial Day the graves are decorated with flags. It's really a sight to see the flags stretched out across the cemetery - there are over 38,000 graves there and each one has a flag on Memorial Day.

Bay Pines National Cemetery

During April and May I attended the Citizens Academy which was a seven week course that covered different aspects of my city. We learned about City Hall, The Department of Public Works, the library, the Parks and Recreation Department, fire department, sheriff's department and we also participated in a mock city council meeting. I met all kinds of interesting people from my community, but best of all I learned what it takes to run a city. I wasn't able to be there on the day the certificates were handed out because I was in Guadeloupe at the time, but I received the certificate and a shirt after I returned. 

A week into Ramadan and I was back on an airplane, this time for a five-day trip to New York City. This was my first time visiting the Big Apple and I was excited to be in such a big and busy place. Unfortunately, I had some work to do so I wasn't free until the afternoons and all the museums closed at 5:30 so there wasn't much time to see the sights, but I fit in what I could using subways, trains, buses and a lot of walking too.

One thing that surprised me was that most people there tend to wear black or dark colors. When you get on the train you see people jammed in, all dressed in dark, drab coats and jackets. I had packed a bright turquoise suit jacket to wear for one of the days of my trip.... it stayed packed!

My subway and train adventures took me to the Grand Central Terminal. The terminal has intricate designs both on its inside and outside. In addition, it contains a vast interior main concourse. The terminal is one of the world's most visited tourist attractions, with 21.9 million visitors recorded in 2013.

Grand Central Terminal.... someone needs to get up there and clean off the grime and pollution.

The view from my hotel room window... a bit noisy. I was near two subway stations.

Looking down the tracks from the platform while I waited for the train.

One place on the top of my must see places was the New York Public Library. Actually I went there twice, the second time they had to throw me out so they could close the doors for the day. The New York Public Library is the second largest library in the United States (the largest is the Library of Congress) - it's also the fourth largest library in the world and has over 53 million items. In the front of the library entrance steps are two lions named, Patience and Fortitude. 

Next to the library is Bryant Park which is one of the busiest public spaces in the world, visited by over 6  million people each year.

Bryant Park - I like the vertical lines in this shot; the trees and panes of glass in the building.

Bryant Park - stop the hustle and bustle and do yoga.

View of some of the buildings surrounding Bryant Park

 The pointed building in the middle of the picture below is the Chrysler Building which was built in 1930. I was working one day in the building directly next to the Empire State Building. The windows in the buildings are very big so inside the rooms are filled with natural light. It felt weird to me to look out and see people in windows going about their lives and know that they could look right back at me. I was told that everyone feels that way when they first arrive in the city, but it soon wears off and you don't notice it anymore.

Fifth Avenue

 One afternoon I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Sadly, I didn't have much time, only 2 hours - it needed at least two days! It is the largest art museum in the United States. Its permanent collection contains over 2 million works. I wandered from room to room, looking at as many exhibits as I could and wished that time would stand still.   

Metropolitan Museum of Art

Display of armor 

After the guards threw me out of the museum I took a walk through Central Park. Right smack in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city is this peaceful refuge. I rested my tired feet for a while, relaxed and watched people pass by. I am totally convinced that every city should have a park in the middle of it. (Someone needs to tell them that in Libya!)

Central Park

 I headed back to my hotel, which although it was close to the subway, didn't seem to have any descent restaurants nearby. I had decided to try my best to keep up with my Ramadan fasts, even though technically you are exempt from fasting if you are travelling, but that would mean having to make up the days later. So when sunset, the time to break fast neared, I would head for my hotel and pick up something to eat along the way. 

 One day I had some work outside of the city and took the train to the village of Tarrytown. The train traveled alongside the Hudson River for most of the way. An interesting thing about the train was that two of the cars on each train are reserved for the Quiet CALMute program. Customers on those two cars are not allowed to use their mobile phones, must disable any noise on their electronic devices, speak only with subdued voices and use only headphones at a volume that other passengers are unable to hear. It made for an enjoyable ride, I watched the scenery of the Hudson River pass by the window. 

The Hudson River

 Five days passed all too quickly and it was time to return home. I was weary from my busy trip and needed a day to recover. When I looked at how many steps I walked each day I discovered that I had been walking over 6 miles every afternoon. The pavements in the city are hard - my feet hurt. Next time I go to New York I am going to bring a good pair of walking shoes!